Partner Progress & Readiness Questionnaire

Couple Work · Confidential Intake

You've been doing this work for a while. This questionnaire is different from the one you filled in at the start. It isn't about going back to the beginning — it's about taking a clear-eyed look at where you are right now: what has shifted in you, how his recovery is actually showing up, and what you need as you consider the next phase of this work.

Note: This questionnaire uses "he/him" pronouns throughout to match your particular relationship. Please read it in the way that applies.

Your progress0%

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1

Where You Are Now: Your Healing Landscape

You came into this work at a particular place. This section is about where you are today — not where you started, and not where you think you should be. Just where you actually are.

1.Think about where you were when you first came to therapy. In your own words, what has changed for you since then — in your sense of yourself, your nervous system, your daily life?

2.What are you still carrying? What hasn't shifted as much as you hoped — or hasn't shifted yet?

3.In what areas of your life do you feel more like yourself again?

Even small things count. Partial recovery is still recovery.

4.When you get activated now — by something he says, does, or doesn't do — what does that typically look like for you in your body and behavior?

5.Compared to when you first started therapy, how would you describe your ability to come back to yourself after being triggered?

6.Where do you feel most stuck in your own healing right now?

2

His Recovery: What's Actually Showing Up

Recovery shows up in behavior, not just in words. This section is about what you're actually observing — not what he says he's doing, but what you can see and feel in daily life.

7.Is he currently engaged in his own treatment — individual therapy, a CSAT-level program, 12-step or equivalent?

8.Has there been a formal disclosure process — where his history was fully shared in a structured, therapeutic way — or has truth come out piecemeal, as you've asked or discovered?

9.At this point, do you feel you have a complete and honest picture of what you're dealing with?

10.In his day-to-day behavior — not in session, not in big moments, but in the ordinary texture of the relationship — what does accountability look like from him right now?

11.Are there things he says in therapy — about recovery, about your pain, about what he's learning — that don't match how he shows up outside the therapy room?

Transparency

Does he proactively share information with you — his whereabouts, his struggles, his triggers — or do you still have to ask?

Amends

Has he made real amends — not just apologies, but changed behavior and acknowledgment of impact over time?

Emotional Presence

When you're in pain — activated, triggered, grieving — is he able to stay present with you in that?

12.What is your gut telling you about where he actually is in his recovery — beneath what he says?

3

The Gap Between His Words and Your Experience

This section names some of the ways that recovery language and behavior can coexist with continued harm patterns. These are not accusations — they are clinical observations about what can happen in addiction recovery when the work is partial or performative. Mark what you recognize.

Performing Recovery

He talks about recovery, uses recovery language, attends some programming — but his behavior in the relationship doesn't reflect the internal work.

Using Recovery Against You

He has used his recovery as a reason you should be less upset, more grateful, or faster to heal — “I'm doing the work, what more do you want?”

Selective Honesty

He is honest about things he knows you already know, but not forthcoming about things you haven't specifically asked about or discovered.

Conditional Empathy

He can show empathy when you express pain calmly, but his empathy disappears when you're angry, triggered, or “too much.”

Recovery as Transaction

He seems to keep an internal ledger — as if the work he does in recovery earns him something back from you. The healing feels conditional, not unconditional.

Moving On Before the Ground Is Ready

He seems ready to move forward — into couples work, into normal life, into rebuilding — before you feel the foundation has actually been established.

13.In your own words — what is the gap, if there is one, between his recovery narrative and what you're actually living with?

4

Your Own Patterns: What Has Emerged in the Work

This section is entirely for you — not about him. As partners move through this healing work, some of their own patterns come into clearer view. This isn't about blame — it's about making sure nothing gets missed in your care.

14.Have you noticed any of the following in yourself, especially since discovery or since beginning therapy? Mark what resonates — this is for your awareness, not your judgment.

15.In the work you've been doing, what has been the hardest thing to feel or face?

16.What has surprised you most about yourself in this process?

5

Couples Readiness: What You Need

Couples work requires something from both of you — and it requires that the relational ground be safe enough to hold it. This section is about your readiness: not whether you want to try, but what you genuinely need for couples work to be real rather than performative.

17.At this point, do you feel emotionally safe enough to be in the same therapeutic room as him — to tell your truth, and to hear his?

18.Is there anything about his current behavior — inside or outside therapy — that would make it hard or unsafe for you to do couples work right now?

19.What would need to be different — in him, in yourself, or in how you're feeling — before you would feel genuinely ready?

20.What are you hoping couples therapy could give you — if it goes well?

21.What are you most afraid of about starting couples work?

22.Is there anything you need your therapist to know or hold as you move into this next phase — something you haven't fully named yet, or something you want to make sure doesn't get lost?

23.Regardless of what happens with the relationship — what does your own healing look like? What does a life that is yours look like?

24.At this point in the work, how are you thinking and feeling about the relationship — not what you think you should think, but what you actually feel when you get quiet?

25.What do you need from your therapist in the coming months that you haven't yet had, or haven't yet asked for?

Consent & Signature

By completing this questionnaire, you are giving your therapist permission to use this information to guide your care. Everything shared here is confidential within the professional and legal limits that apply to all clinical work.

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